That Second

So many times you made me second
I felt second place the second I saw you
I lied that second was close to first
So I wasn’t far from being important

Other times, I convinced myself that family was first
I wasn’t going to compete with the little loveys around you
After all, they were there before I
So, second isn’t bad

While I was struggling to make second comfortable and significantly unique,
Mama asked me what place I was

O Adjoa, you worry too much!
I am second to God, I lied
I lied for you
Mama said, listen to your intuition
Girl!, they don’t lie!

You’re smart so I believe in you
Don’t do what I won’t be proud of

My whole life, mama and granny’s approval were all I needed to go on
Making the whole family proud has always been my hallmark
I was first place to them

But you made me second
At least that was what I thought

Needless to say, second to last would have been better than where you put me
You left me nowhere

I had no place
I was hanging by myself
Walking on a thread of no hope

You should have told me that second you met me
You shouldn’t have let me believe

You are the Saint in this story
Because you gave me all the signs
I refused to see and listen

When I listened, I was far too gone
My heart leaped for joy at your sight
Returning home was difficult
So I hanged in there

Once, I experimented
To see if you’ll notice
You turned it the other way around and made me feel bad

I didn’t know that hanging in there would feel like a rope around my neck
I died to myself that night when I knew I was all alone

We had different values from that second
My value was love, yours was sex
Yet, I still hanged in there

You know the saddest part is that I knew everything
I could feel the betrayal
I smelled it miles away but the memory of our very first second wouldn’t let me walk away

I was broken the second you met me
you said you’ll fix me
I believed you
Even when I saw the lie

You seemed put together so why not?

You said don’t start what you can’t finish
Yet you started a non-starter
Why did you drive to my house that second

Here I am, calling myself stupid
I see you just fine
Then my other self creeps in
Trying to steal the human in me

I can’t live like this anymore
So I am jumping off that rope
Hoping to fall in the hands of love

Love from myself, God and those who put me first
Hopefully its not too late for them to take me back
Hopefully, they would make me realize that second isn’t enough
That second, isn’t where I belong

So Ciao-Adios no more
Dobranoc forever!
WE DONE!